


Rely On Me

by HeartInCustody (orphan_account)



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Persona 5 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 15:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15173633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/HeartInCustody
Summary: On Christmas Eve, Ryuji comes to realize that Akira is many things: friend, Phantom Thief, and leader. But he was also self-sacrificing, and sometimes, Ryuji hated it.





	Rely On Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was a part of the Christmas in July p5exchange.
> 
>  **Note for ionomycin** : Hi there! I wanted to say it was fun writing this and I wasn't sure if you had any preferences when this took place, so I settled for post-final boss. I hope you enjoy!

Ryuji was tired.

In fact, it was an understatement. He was _dead beat_.

Swathing the skies of Shibuya were dark clouds, shedding docile snowflakes that spun around one another before dissipating upon touching the hard ground. The distant buildings of Central Street were alive with neon lights, filled with people – _couples_ – walking in and out with arms full of shopping bags.

His phone buzzes lightly against his thigh, and he skims over the message.

‘ _I’ll be getting home a bit later, Ryuji.  
Do you mind running to the store?’_

...Perhaps he should see if there was chicken available at one of those fast food places. It wasn’t _groceries_ , but after a long day topped with fighting a God, he could go for a quick meal. And it would save his mom from having to cook on Christmas Eve.

He sends an affirmative response before finding himself retreating from the station (Pick up a few things and go home). There’s a mesh of unfamiliar faces – couples _again_ , damn, was he destined to spend Christmas Eve alone? – as he weaves his way around them.

A rush brush against his shoulder causes his feet to stutter and he steadies himself.

“Hey!” the exclaim is loose from his lips, but the rest of his ‘would-be’ warning dies on his tongue.

He catches Akira’s apology before their eyes meet. “Ryuji? ...I thought you went home already.”

Ryuji’s shoulders lift in a shrug, but there’s the hint of a smile pulling at his lips. “Yeah, I would have been, but got called at the last minute. So you headin’ to Leblanc?”

He nods. “I don’t have anything else to do out here.” There’s a pause, and something feels... _off_. He can’t place a finger on it, but the way Akira’s gaze slams to the ground is oddly concerning. And Ryuji doesn’t have the time to formulate a question before Akira speaks again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait—” his fingers catch his sleeve. “Come on, we saved the _world_. Let’s hang out for a while.”

There’s a smirk that graces Akira’s face, and it reminds him of Joker. A distant part of him already misses their cool Phantom Thief outfits. It would take time to adjust to – but Akira would always be there leader, especially when he got that look. “Not afraid everyone’ll think we’re together?”

“Aw dude, I’m too tired to care about that right now!” he practically sputters at the question. “Let’s just go! I can pay if you decide to get something too.”

True, the idea of being with another guy on a couple-centric holiday did not settle well with Ryuji. But between the fatigue and high of the triumph against Yaldabaoth, Ryuji doesn’t care. Especially if the person he was with happened to be Akira.

\--

\--

Akira was distracted.

Tired as well, but weren’t they all?

He had followed behind Ryuji in Shibuya, chipping in whenever Ryuji looked for a second opinion about the food. In the end, despite a slip-up with the clerk—

( _“For real? How can you be_ sold out _? Aren’t you guys supposed to stock up on this stuff for Christmas?”)_

—they succeeded in arriving at Leblanc with a few bags of groceries for Ryuji’s mother. They didn’t have any luck obtaining precooked meals like Ryuji had wanted, however. Maybe he could cook up curry for take-home; Sojiro wouldn’t mind him using whatever ingredients still lingering in the fridge.

Perhaps it’s out of habit, but he places his bag down on the counter with two hands – one holding the straps, the other supporting a now weightless bottom. He swallows, as if expecting Morgana to clamber out and make a quip about cramped space. But instead, it’s silence that answers him, and he feels a weight on his shoulder.

“You okay?”

Ryuji regards him with concern. His relationship with Morgana had been strained, but that didn’t make him any less of an ally, a friend.

“Yeah,” he responds, maneuvering around him to reach the stove. There’s already a pot of curry lying on the stove and a note saying something about helping himself and happy Christmas... Futaba and Sojiro were probably here undoubtfully here earlier. “Do you want to take some home?”

The response isn’t immediate, but Ryuji does say ‘yes’, so he makes sure to pack up two containers worth.

They spend the evening discussing various topics – Phantom Thieves, Morgana, their final heist, the track team – before making their way upstairs. And it’s still a little off-putting with how quiet it is. Ryuji talks, and Akira enjoys listening to him. Compared to when they first met, he sounds at _ease_ , and that alone is enough for him.

Amid it all, his mind flits back to his earlier discussion with Sae Niijima. It wasn’t something he _wanted_ to do. His brush with the law was, for a lack of a better word, fragile. And given the criminal record, there was no easy way out. He would have to trust in Sae, and trust that she would keep everyone safe.

“...You’ve been spacin’ out a lot tonight,” Ryuji’s looking at him, and for once Akira has a difficult time pinning down the _exact_ emotion. There’s worry, but closer inspection reveals something akin to frustration.

Damn.

Ryuji doesn’t need to know.

“I’m just tired.” His tone of voice is automatic, as if they’ve been rehearsed for _days_ instead of a handful of minutes.

“But there’s something else, isn’t there?” And now his voice is accusatory, frustration blooming from each word. They’re adjacent to one another on the couch, the droning of the tv broadcast sinks into the background. Ryuji’s leaning forward, elbows resting on knees and frowning- no, almost _glaring_ at Akira. “You’ve been distracted since I ran into you at the station, and for whatever reason, you’re not sayin’ anything. We’re supposed to trust one another, so what is it?”

He hesitates. Keep Ryuji and everyone safe – it was the last thing he had to do as their leader, as a Phantom Thief.

“You’re imagining things,” it’s a cold response, spoken in a voice that calls for an end to a conversation. Anyone obedient would listen, zip their trap and let it go.

Ryuji isn’t obedient.

“Cut the bullshit!” his voice cracks like a whip and he’s facing him fully now. “I ain’t imaginin’ anything. I know when there’s something wrong with my friend! What aren’t you telling me?”

Akira wants to tell him, feels the truth bubbling in his throat, clawing to break out. It almost _hurts_ to swallow, and he knows to choose his words carefully. “I need you to stay out of it.”

A noise of frustration hisses out between Ryuji’s teeth, and he stands. “And you expect me to _not_ worry when you say something like that?”

“I expect you to trust me—”

“Then _tell me_ —”

“—This is my decision.”

The disturbing silence is almost _worse_ than hearing a verbal spat from Ryuji. Akira knows he’s wedged something between them in that moment. He wants to mend the distance, apologize even, but telling the truth would worsen the situation. And maybe they’re too tired to have an _actual_ argument over this, but it’s still unnerving.

Ryuji pulls out his phone, looks it over, and Akira knows it’s just for show. “I gotta get back before it gets late.,” he sighs, turning to leave.

“I can go with you to the station.” Akira offers, a last attempt.

“No, I got it,” He puts a few steps of distance between them, then pauses. “Guess I was hoping you’d rely on me more.”

Akira says nothing.

Ryuji leaves.

\--

\--

He awakes the next day with an odd feeling of dread looming over. Something tells him to hurry to Leblanc – so he does. He’s still wound up from their fight, but Ryuji sends Akira a text anyway.

‘ _Sorry about last night.  
Be over in a few.’_

As the train rolls atop the tracks, he can’t help checking his phone. Minutes have passed and still no response. Akira wasn’t _that_ petty, so what the hell?

The earlier dread is all but consuming when he enters Leblanc.

It’s quiet, and he doesn’t need to look at Futaba crying at the counter, at Makoto staring emptily at her cup, or at Sojiro to know what’s wrong.

Akira’s gone.

\--

\--

He’s pissed.

So he doesn’t think.

He runs, his leg burns, he runs harder, his leg _screams_ in agony and he stops before he collapses. Ryuji finds himself unable to move for a while, but that’s _nothing_ compared to the stronger emotions he’s feeling. His breath saws in and out of him viciously as he slouches over by the side of the road.

Akira was always making sacrifices for them whether it had been in battle or _this_. It was his selflessness that made it more frustrating; Akira wasn’t doing it out of malice. But damn did it feel like it. And it wasn’t _fair._

The time Ryuji nearly _died_ after a reckless attempt to help his team, Akira didn't let him live it down. For a while, Ryuji became concerned. He laughed it off, poked fun at Ann for crying (which, he admits, was kinda mean, yeah...), but he remembers the mirth deflating upon seeing Akira’s stoic expression. He pushed Ryuji away until he was ready to talk, and boy, did he let him have it. It had just been the two of them outside Shujin Academy.

They argued then

(“ _That was reckless..._ ”

“ _What other choice did we have?”_

“ _You could've_ died _, Ryuji! There are_ always _other ways_!”)

and they argued now. But shit, it wasn’t fair. Why did Akira get to yell at him, but when Ryuji had something to say, he just turns himself in and goes missing in action for over a month? It was cowardly and all of it was just stupid and unfair to Akira – to _them_.

They save the world, and _this_ is how they’re paid?

“Dammit!” he hisses, and his eyes burn. “What the hell...?”

...

The pain eases, and so he runs again.

\--

\--

It isn’t until Akira returns does it begin to settle in.

He wraps an arm around his shoulders, the anger he tried to burn through running lets him enjoy the moment. But it urges him to speak to Akira, ask him to speak one on one later. When Morgana spontaneously shows up, they give him an earful too. And yeah, the damn cat is a bit of an asshole for not showing up when they could have really used him, so he’s not exempted from this either.

Akira says it first.

“I’m sorry,” it’s just the two of them sitting at Lebanc’s bar. Morgana, having sensed some tension, departed with a promise to return later. “For not telling you, or anyone else. I don’t blame you if you’re still angry. But I’m not going to say I regret doing what I did.”

Ryuji lets out a one note laugh. He means for it to be playful, but it’s empty. “Wasn’t expectin’ you to.”

Akira makes a noise in the back of his throat, adjusting his glasses (does he even _need_ those?, Ryuji wonders).

“But I get it; I would’ve done the same,” he sighs, resting his head on his forearms. “So I’m sorry for yelling back there. Guess I was just upset you still don’t trust me, and thinking you have to do everything by yourself.”

More silence.

When Akira doesn’t respond, Ryuji finds himself continuing. “Look, I hate saying sappy shit like this... and don’t think I’m gonna say it again, but… I care about you, Akira. A lot. When I found out you had turned yourself in, I was so damn pissed. I didn’t know what to do or how to get you out. When you weren’t around, things felt... shit, I don’t know, empty? Like something was missing – and you were. You did something that saved all of us.”

...Damn, that was too sappy. And _weird_ , what the actual fu—

“Whatever, all I’m tryin’ to say is I want you to rely on me more. I’ve got your back, you got mine – that sort of thing,” he shifts in his seat to look at Akira. “Sound like a deal?”

The look he’s given reminds him of Christmas Eve, when he sensed something wrong but couldn’t put a finger to it. But the suspicion is gone, in its place is something almost tender that stops time for him. It is the dip of Akira’s head and his genuine smile that brings him back to reality. “I can do that.”

“Hell yeah!” Ryuji laughs then, the grin on his face kinda makes the corners of his mouth hurt but he doesn’t give a damn. “You’d better mean it though. None of this ‘secret’ shit between us anymore, alright?”

Akira reiterates the promise albeit in good humor, and Ryuji feels an odd warmth spread within. He wonders what it is, and much later, when his head is a bit clearer, he’ll figure it out. But in that moment, nothing mattered except his friend, his partner.


End file.
